Ask Hawkeye

How do I make friends? I think I come on a little strong...

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 19:17:16 -0500

Well, you make friends a few ways.

Don’t use them for your own means and personal gain.
Be polite. Ask how their day was. Give them a compliment.
Volunteer simple information, like a hobby.
Smile.
Smile.
Smile.
Don’t be Tony Stark.

I mean, that’s just to start.

If this an advice column. You suck at giving it.

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 00:39:50 -0500

You didn’t really ask a question I could give advice on.

Hi Clint. My name is Aimee Coulson. I am Aimee Barton on a good day, because I have a thing for the Hawkeye. Anyways, will you be my friend? Everyone seems to hate my soul...

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 18:32:25 -0500

Um. What?

Why are you not in love with me yet, Barton?

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 16:35:04 -0500

…Because you have no face, maybe?

I just dropped by to say hello and that Fury has been looking for you. Where have you been Barton?

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 13:11:00 -0400

I’ve been…around? I’m running an advice column, see!

You're NOT in love with Hulk/Bruce Banner or any Guy, are you?

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 18:25:43 -0400

Why would it matter if I was? Currently I’m not in love. Maybe one day…

-Hawkeye

Will you have my babies?

Sat, 19 May 2012 23:13:14 -0400

…no. I’m physiologically incapable of having your babies, seeing as I am, in fact, male.

John Stewart dissed you!!!! Should I send him a long hate note or just kill him?

Fri, 11 May 2012 00:28:40 -0400

WHAT? WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHAT KIND OF MORON DISSES ME, THE MOST AWESOME OF AVENGERS?

He sounds like a moron.

But you probably shouldn’t kill him.

But for sure send the hate. Hate away! Start a hate campaign! GOGOGO! FLY, MY MINIONS, FLY!

-Hawkeye

Dude, your sexy. How do I convince others how sexy you are?

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 13:16:05 -0400

Dude, I dunno. If they can’t tell by themselves, they’re a little hopeless, aren’t they? I mean. I’m sexy.

-Hawkeye

Sometimes you just need to move on, man. Bobbi and I tried to...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 02:37:44 -0400

Sometimes you just need to move on, man. Bobbi and I tried to make it work. A few times. We really really did. But we just couldn’t. There were some things that our relationship could never get past. And Bobbi and I have tried reconciling. But it only made us realize why we shouldn’t be together. So we’re not.

I’m trying to move on because I want to at least try to be happy. And you can’t really fault me for that.

…is any of this really any of your business, man?

-Hawkeye

Well, that sounds like quite the problem… I’m not...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 00:30:32 -0400

Well, that sounds like quite the problem…

I’m not really an expert on kids. Never have been. I’m good at entertaining them in the short-term but anything longer and I’m useless.

First off, I think you should know why your son wants to kill your soulmate. I’m sure you do, so just keep that in mind with whatever you do next.

You say your son is psychopathic and yeah, I guess that he sounds like he probably is. So you should think very hard about whether your relationship with your crazy son or your relationship with your soulmate is more important. Anything you do will depend on your decision there.

If you want to keep your soulmate in your life, which you probably do considering that’s what you call him, then you need to ask his feelings on the matter. Can he put up with your son? Does he want to?

I’m not saying kick your son out of your life. But I am saying that maybe you need to consider some alternative methods of dealing with him. Sometimes medication can help even people out. Maybe it can help your son to feel a little kinder toward your soulmate.

I’ve never dealt with a problem like this before. But both of these people are important to you. Maybe try to get them in a stable environment to talk their problems out before doing anything else. Knowing more about the situation will help fix it.

-Hawkeye

I don’t really have much that I can say about this except...

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 13:58:18 -0400

I don’t really have much that I can say about this except that he obviously likes you. The wanting to punch someone out is coming from his frustration with other people trying to ‘take you away from him’ before he gets the chance to date you himself. He’s probably also frustrated because he’s under the same impression you are: that you don’t like him back.

So just talk to the guy and put both of you out of your confused misery.

-Hawkeye

Since you broke up with him, he has every right to see other...

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 17:44:32 -0400

Since you broke up with him, he has every right to see other people. But you also have every right to be jealous because of it. People break up because something isn’t working. Sometimes they still have feelings for each other. It’s really not that uncommon.

And maybe he isn’t happy. Maybe the dates he’s going on are just to fill the gap you left behind when you broke up with him. People fake being happy all the time. He’s probably trying to move on, as people want to do. Getting out of a relationship is tough. It leaves holes where you don’t expect them. It’s easier to try to fill them with something, like dating, than nothing at all.

My real question is: if you still “have a lot of feelings for him” then why did you break up with him in the first place? You should probably think really hard about that and decide if you’re just jealous or if you made a big mistake.

You should probably talk to him.

-Hawkeye

Well, telling whether someone likes you can be a little...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 16:58:37 -0500

Well, telling whether someone likes you can be a little difficult. Now, if you’ve known this girl for a while it can be both easier and more difficult. Having known her, you’ve probably seen the way she acts around people she’s dated or wants to date, so you can use those interactions to judge how she’s feeling towards you.

However, in my experience sometimes people are scared to let others know that they like them, especially when there’s a pre-existing relationship. They get scared that trying to push for more will ruin what they have.

That’s kinda what happens with me sometimes. For example, I was kinda infatuated with one of my teammates, but it took a near-death experience for the two of us before either of us could admit to it. Sometimes a fear of rejection is stronger than the feeling of longing.

The best way to tell if she likes you back is to straight up ask her out. If she doesn’t like you that way, she’ll tell you.

But if you’re looking for a subtler approach, my advice is to watch her carefully when she’s around you to see if you can pick up any of those little flirty things that you’ve seen her use on people she’s dated while you’ve known her. If you don’t feel you have a grasp on those, then watch for differences in the way she treats you versus people you know she has no interest in.

But seriously. Just ask her out.

-Hawkeye

Is no one in need of advice?

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 01:09:08 -0500

Because I can give it.

Wow, more followers!

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:46:00 -0500

Feel free to ask me questions. I live to serve, after all.

Dear Hawkeye, my boyfriend's been really affectionate lately, but I feel like maybe he's hiding something with it. I know he wouldn't cheat on me, but something happened once that makes me afraid he won't love me anymore if his exes or a prettier and older woman (maybe even a man) catches his eye. What should I do?

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:25:59 -0500

Assuming that being affectionate is out of his character, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s hiding something. Since you say you know he wouldn’t cheat on you, you must think he’s hiding something else? If it really does bother you, then just ask him point-blank about it. A lot of people will fess up to things when directly confronted, especially when they care about you.

As for the second part, if he’s ever given you a reason to doubt him, I can see where the fear comes from. It’s true that people can sometimes be fickle when it comes to relationships. If you really do think that someone else is catching his attention, then just subtly try to regain it. I’m not talking about anything overt, but a few soft touches can go along way when it comes to getting someone’s attention. Especially when they’re already in-tune with you like your boyfriend probably is.

-Hawkeye

Dear Hawkeye, my friend keeps calling you hawk-guy. Should I punch her?

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:02:20 -0500

Dear Xandra,

Obviously your friend needs to be punched in the face because they don’t know awesome when they see it. They should also get their brain checked afterwards.

-Hawkeye

Dear Hawkeye, what the hell makes you qualified to give advice?!

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 21:42:31 -0500

Dear Pietro,

I am perfectly qualified to give advice seeing as I am a logical, well-meaning human being. Also, I give people advice all the time. And this wasn’t even my idea. Someone else told me I should do it, and them some nice anons agreed.

Also, I’m quite smart and have been through enough in my life that I’m pretty sure I have an interesting and useful viewpoint.

So kindly go away and let people come to me for the help they deserve.

-Hawkeye

I have a significant other whom I love very much, but I am also totally obsessed with a certain squishy-faced actor soon to be seen in a super hero blockbuster. How do I reconcile my imaginary love with my real love? Can I be in love with two men at once?

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:10:14 -0500

I’m pretty sure that you can be in love with two people at once. It’s done all the time, after all. There are perfectly happy threesomes open relationships everywhere. It’s getting more and more common, actually, as people feel more comfortable and as the public gets less judgmental.

However, I’m not sure that you can be in love with someone you’ve never met. I’m sure that you can love them, but it might be hard to be in love with them. Of course, I might just think that because I’ve never been in love with someone I’ve never met.

As far as reconciling the two loves, think of it this way: as you said, one of them is “imaginary” since you’ve never met. So focus on your significant other. But you don’t have to give up your love for this actor. Just realize that you have someone whom you love that loves you back and make sure you give them the attention they deserve, even through your fangirling and swooning over the other guy.

-Hawkeye